Tuesday, December 16, 2014

No Winter Blues Here

It's hard for me to put all my craft stuff away so I can entertain at Christmas. On the other hand, I get done and can see the floor and counter tops and kind of like the sparseness.

When I sit down in the evening, I have to ask myself, what did I used to do before making all those gifts? Maybe I read or did my nails, or I know...I'll bet I posted on my blog!

Maybe everyone else hates winter, but speaking from someone who does all the chores now, there is a lot less work in the winter. Especially after Christmas. Everything slows down. I'm ready for darkness  when I get off work, no yard work. And cold, windy evenings, so no errands. The prediction of a foot of snow could mean no work the next day. I think everyone should have to think of three good things to say about winter.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Stop Looking Back

When I look back at various times I've been hurt by others, I think if I could do it over again I would have responded differently.

To the father who could cut me to the quick with words, I could feign indifference. Imagine the lack of effectiveness if I could show I didn't care.

To the step-grandmother who claimed she was not a great-grandmother, as she held my newborn son, I could have taken him back and said he had another great-grandmother who did claim him.

Why in hind-site, after we have time to grow, mature and think, do we have the perfect comeback. And a better question is why do I let these things haunt me?

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

A Time To Mourn

I was given the name of a friend of a friend to call. She too had lost her husband a year after Steven. So for her it had been almost 5 months. She had been having a hard time and I thought it might do us both good to share.

I put off calling because I know what my schedule is like right now. I figured I would call after Christmas and suggest coffee.

I found out yesterday she committed suicide. While I don't know I could have saved her life, I might have been some help. I shouldn't have waited. I pray for this woman's family, that this Christmas  season still holds peace and joy.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Good Morning God

As I enter the chaos of the Christmas season, I oftentimes diminish the worship of the new born king to getting traditions and checklists marked off. I am a prime example of a person who likes a list just to cross out a line as accomplished.

I sit each morning and open a devotional that reminds me who Jesus is and who I am in him. Yet, I close the book and my mind frame of worship is sometimes left between the pages. I prove this each time I allow myself to feel overwhelmed.

How good it is to know I'm not venturing out into my day without the way being paved by God. He announces His presence with a beautiful sunrise. Nothing will take Him by surprise. Nor will He allow anything to overwhelm me as long as I lean on him. My joy this day comes as soon as I say, "Good morning God!" Now I just have to hold on to that the other 23 hours.

Sunday, November 30, 2014

Please Don't Fade Away

He is fading from me. Steven is becoming a shadow and I know this is what time does, but it feels...betraying.

It used to be when I had a thought, I would hear his voice in my head with his response. I don't have that as much anymore. I go longer periods without crying but then hear a song or someones 'cancer story' and for the rest of the day can't stop crying.

Last year, when he had been gone 5 months, I decorated my tree with copies of notes he left me. Each one precious with it's own memory. This year he has been gone 1 year and 5 months and somehow decorating the tree with these same notes doesn't seem right.

I would apologise to him but I'm sure I'm not on his mind anymore, so why the guilt that he is not always on mine?

Monday, November 24, 2014

It's Not Funny

I think all my reading glasses are in cahoots. I place one pair in each room, yet when I want a pair they are not to be found. It's as if they are all in one place laughing as I get more frustrated with each room I look in.

I think the time has come. I'm buying a chain.

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Just Organized

Today I sat down and started my list of gifts I need to have. The number I came up with was 40. That seems like a lot of gifts to me. I've been making little things to give, but they seem so small and insignificant. I know this is untrue because personally I would love to keep what I'm making.

Although the list is long, I feel more organized just having it all wrote down so I can cross off each name as I have a gift. So I continued in my notebook bought just for this occasion, the other lists needed. The menu for Thanksgiving and what others are bringing, my next shopping list for groceries, things to order online,  my checklist of holiday duties, like decorate and get Christmas cards addressed, a calendar with plans noted and on and on. Then to complete the organized list making, I put little tabs on the edges and labeled them.  Ahh..life is good.