Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Forcing A Smile

Another day starting bad. How appropriate my devotion was though. It talked about my inheritance of problem free living in eternity. And how I should not be looking for heaven on earth.

So, I'll take a lighthearted view of my....whatever funk this is and remember The One who is on my side has overcome the world.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

What I Hate

I hate depression. I hate anxiety. Sometimes when they hit me I could double over from nausea.

You would think there would be a reason. I can think of a few triggers the past few days but I can usually shake it off. I'm having trouble doing that. It's physical too. I don't feel good. Maybe I'm depressed because I don't feel good. Or maybe I don't feel good because I'm depressed. Maybe I'll just go to bed.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Trust In The Blindspot

Faith is kind of like backing out of a parking spot. There is this blind area as you slowly back up. You can't see right or left until a certain point so you have to trust any oncoming vehicles to notice and stop.

Often, our faith walk is prompted by God. We are convicted to step out blindly. It takes a trusting love of God to do this, but the reward in it's obedience is so worth it.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Travel Panic

I went to visit my brother in Indiana. That sentence doesn't sound significant unless you are afraid of traveling by yourself. That I did this & made it there and back is big to me. It was not without turmoil.

I had too many directions. Mike, my brother, gave me directions, my GPS had it own idea and could not be changed to his route, and Map Quest had another way. I needed to pick one and stick with it. At one point, I was convinced I was on the wrong highway because it went further than MapQuest said it should. I turned around and went back to the interstate I had exited from only to realize I was on the right highway, I just was looking at the minimized steps and not the maximized in-between steps. But then I was stuck for miles behind a semi and couldn't pass. I think even the semi driver felt sorry for me.

Switching to the GPS instructions as I entered his town, it took me to a T in the road and then would not instruct me which way to turn. Does it not realize my life is dependent on it's continued instructions. I called my brother and he had no idea how I had gotten to that point.

On the way home, I decided to go interstate. I made the mistake of putting in that I wanted to avoid tolls and ended up in Chicago. You learn. I learned. I'll choose a different route next time. IF there is a next time. Other than that, the visit was wonderful.

The Big Leap

I had not seen my brother since Steven's funeral over a year ago. The time before that was a year prior when his wife Robin passed away. That we are widow and widower at our age seems unusual, but it is a basis for who we have become.

Both of us were care givers to our spouses. There is a degree of recovery required before life can become a new normal. To go from being totally depended on to being totally alone is a big leap. We are healing and are different people now. I'm not Steve & Denice or the bosses wife or a wife at all. Neither of us want even a goldfish to be responsible for. Not that we think it will die, but to distance ourselves an obligation.

It is only to another who has walked in our shoes that we can say, "That was really hard."

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Not Always Easy Street

Care giving for Steven was so hard at times. I wish I could say he was a good, patient patient. I wish I could say my love trumped all negativity as I ministered to him.

For those whose life seems easy, it takes little effort to have faith. But, how we act when insulted, ignored or in turmoil is when we show God we want him for more than just the good times.

Telling God everything, right down to the injustice dealt us, doesn't seem like enough sometimes. We need that one true friend we can spew our selfish thoughts to. We know they will listen with the thought that, this is life for them at this moment and I'm going to love them through it.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Awake To A New Beginning

Each day is an opportunity for a new beginning. Why not choose to start with a good attitude and resolve to stay that way no matter what the circumstance?

I'm so thankful I don't have to carry the weight of yesterday's failures and mistakes. I have made some huge wrong choices. God's mercies are new each day, so I can embrace the dawn of today. If He has put those 'wrong turns' behind Him, I can too.

Great is his faithfulness, his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:23