Tuesday, May 26, 2015

Remnants of Steven

Sometimes, I get flashes of Steven. It may be a moment in time when a conversation transpired. The conversation could be a good one or bad. Depending on the emotion involved, it remains with me as a dream when you wake up. Today I mopped around. The conversation had not been a good one. He could get angry and I feel bad even though he's gone that I angered him. I hope he knew I loved him. Do you think it's a normal grieving experience?

Monday, May 18, 2015

The Importance Of Listening

Slowing down enough to hear God goes against our nature. It takes very little time for our minds to wander and come up with things we should be doing. And ironically nothing could be less important when having God time.

So I keep a tablet next to me. As all my thoughts fill my mind I write them down. Then get back to God.

Monday, May 11, 2015

Steve's House

As it rained outside, I rested my head on the cold glass of the patio door. I saw the chairs and table where Steve and I sat so often. I whispered to him how much I missed our times together, as though he is waiting somewhere just to hear my voice.

I realized sadly that I think of this house as still his and not mine. Even after 25 years, all the work I've done, money, decisions, it is still Steve's house. I wonder if that will ever change.

Wednesday, May 6, 2015

True Importance

Along with the everyday prayers for loved ones, I need to remember to pray for what truly matters to a life and soul. I'm reminded of this as I read what Paul in Philippians, who is in jail at the time, prays for his friends.

He prays that their love may grow more in knowledge and discernment so they can find what is excellent and be sincere and without offence. He prays they may be filled with fruits of righteousness that are from Christ which brings glory and praise to God.

Paul has been striped, beaten and jailed. Yet his prayers are not for himself, but the friends he is separated from. What an example this is to me of true importance.

Thursday, April 30, 2015

Words Just For Me

I love when I am reading my devotion and it is as though God is speaking directly to me.

Last week as I read, the text talked about the heaven that awaits me. My heart immediately went to my sons who have grown away from God. I started crying and told God I really needed to know my sons would be there too. As I continued reading, at the end of the page were the exact words I had cried out. It said, "For I will contend with the one who contends with you, and I will save your sons." This is from Isaiah 49:25

God is good, all the time.

Monday, April 27, 2015

No Matter What

We cannot choose what cup we will be given. The sacrifice of daily life and acceptance of events and circumstance is part of our surrender. If the cup is bitter, we drink it knowing our hands are not holding the cup on their own. If the cup is sweet, we accept the moment and share the grace with those around us.

Friday, April 24, 2015

Chicago

I spent two days in Chicago with my son, Joshua. We went to Brookfield Zoo, then to Steve's brother's house to stay the night. He treated us to fine dining at Mon Ami Gabi. The second day we walked the Indian Market and bought spices and mixes and some lace for me of course.

I had so much fun. I don't think we ever get over the enjoyment of spending time with our children. We watch the way their minds work just as we did when they were 4 years old. And we strive to keep them happy. Even when they are in their 30's and still want to ride the carasol and go the the petting zoo. They are just bigger. Much bigger.