Friday, August 10, 2012

Another cycle done

Today was the last day for the chemo cycle. My poor hubby is extremely fatigued. If he's in his robe then he's sick. The TV is on during the day. Then he goes back to bed and I tiptoe around trying to make no noise but always end up sounding like a train wreck. Have you ever noticed how when you try to make no noise you do?

I remember BC I used to think about my house and how it must look. We have way too much glass. I would invest in Windex but I probably already own part of the company. My plants could have no brown leaves. What a disgrace that would be. It's very sad how some of my oldest plants are dying now.It's as tho they sense my sadness and are responding. Or maybe they haven't been watered since June.

I had a routine, where I got up, worked out, did a devotion and got ready for work. Now I struggle to remember if I fed the cat. She says I didn't but she always says that. Discipline has always been very important to me and I have none now. I eat sweets because darn it I deserve it! So now it is starting to show. He loses weight and I gain it.

I would come home and try to identify dinner by it's aroma as I came thru the breezeway. Steven made the most delicious meals. It's been his job for years now. I buy everything and he cooks what I buy. He is one of those cooks who starts pulling things out of the cupboard and frig and mixes it all together with pasta and waa la, a new dish never to be replicated. I keep meaning to cook now. Especially with the 42 cookbooks I've downloaded for free on my Kindle, but I don't want to make him sicker. Last weeks was a whole cookbook on making meatloaf. He hates meatloaf. I have another on making desserts with beer. Really?


Life is going on as normal around me and I want to holler out my car window, "Why are you all going on as normal? Don't you know my world is falling apart?" Sometimes I've no idea how I got to work, all I know is my car is there and I'm in it.

I hate that I know what my cry sounds like. You should only be familiar with your laugh. I hear crying is very cleansing. My eyes must be reeeeally clean.

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