Thursday, September 13, 2012

The trust in God

My heart went out to Steven in that ER room. His headache was beyond endurance. And then we heard he had cancer. And the next week that it was incurable, and in the same sentence maybe a year to live. In that moment I lost my heart to him and it would never be mine again.

I knew it would mean I'd be doing a lot for him and I wanted to. Your whole attitude changes when you think you are losing someone. My thought process changed. I try to be one step ahead so he has what he needs at his finger tips. The home rules have changed to where he has the least amount of things on his plate to do. And I don't bring up issues that may upset him like money or being exhausted. I don't want him to blame himself in any way for any changes we've needed to make.

It's all relatively easy, this desire to make him happy and worry free. I know he must have a whirlwind of thoughts in his head but he never brings them up. Maybe he is doing this for me or maybe for himself. I have the utmost respect for his timing in finally broaching some inevitable topics. And I trust God to continue to take my anxiety away until that happens. And I'm so thankful to the family and friends who make him smile and laugh.

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