We knew we wanted to try and have a baby. Steve had no biological children and I was in my thirties, so it was feasible. The boys were both in their teens at this point so it would be like starting over for me. We decided to give it a year and see what happened.
It was during the last month of that year that we got pregnant. I couldn't wait to tell Steve. He was ecstatic, as was the his family. A baby! He knew it was a boy and I knew it was a girl.
The first few months were uneventful. I put on some weight but rather enjoyed it. During the forth month I started spotting and called my doctor. They scheduled an ultrasound. I was really excited at the prospect of seeing my little one. I was not expecting Steve but he showed up at the last minute which made it even better. Not once did I think anything was wrong.
The rest is kind of a blur. The young technician performing the ultrasound lay down the wand and left the room saying she would be back in a minute. She had the doctor call us on a phone in the room we were in. She said the baby did not have a heartbeat.
I can't describe to you the feeling of going from expecting a baby to not expecting. All in one moment. There was just stunned silence. And then we both held onto each other and cried. That's the only time I've seen Steve cry.