Each day once I wake up I am fighting despair. I don't know if this is normal, but it's true. So I pray myself into hope. Then I go on to fear. Who cares if it's normal, it too is true. I hate fear. Even the word sounds weak and wimpy. So I call myself a few names like baby and others I won't mention. I tell myself this is not about me it needs to be about Steve. But until I get my own head right I can't be my best for him.
Today is a whole day with many minutes. How will I choose to spend them? Will I go to church and be fed spiritually? Will I make love with my husband? Will I touch base with family? Will I crawl back in my warm bed and pull the covers over my head? Who owns the seconds, minutes, days and years? If I don't find enjoyment in this day despite my circumstances whose fault will it be? Will anyone even know? If I go beyond myself and care, I would ask how can I be light if I hold on to the darkness of negativity. Whose choice is it? I think of a verse in Philippians that encourages me to think on things true, noble, right, pure, lovely and admirable.
All around me are people in need. We each have our own story of turmoil and trial. I just happen to be blogging about mine because it helps me. The best way to get out of a funk is to reach out to someone else in need. Will I put aside my fatigue and put on strength, hope and love? Will I wake up thankful and go on through my day grateful?