Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Hi God, it's me again

Hi God, it's me again. You know that cartoon where there's a guy and he has a devil whispering in one ear and an angel in the other and he has to choose who to listen to? I feel like that sometimes. I know there is a war waging over each one of us, and while I say I choose You it's just lip service if I don't live it. What does living it mean right now? I say I trust You, then I worry myself into a headache. I tell you to bless me with peace but go right back to being scared with my next thought. You know all this indecisiveness is your fault. Everything is your fault. You never should have given us free will, you knew we would screw it up. Sorry. I have so many questions and I'll probably forget them all when I'm finally in front of You.

My biggest prayer to you used to be to for Steven and the boys to be believers so I could know they would be heaven bound. So Steven gets this terminal diagnosis and the same day prays the prayer of salvation and that is so awesome. But now he is dying and I'm forgetting something big happened. You answered that really big prayer and all I'm thinking about now is how badly I want him to live.

I know You are taking care of me and will in the future too but my sense of security is askew with all this. Everything as I know it will change. Shoot, everything has already changed. Did I mention this was a big fear of mine? You're not just moving my cheese here.

I wanted to thank you for the perfect day Saturday. We boated all day so he could fish and I could read. The sun was warm and we just kept saying 'wow'. Then back to the camper for a nap and a campfire that night. This is a day that will stay with me a long time.

I've heard it said that the most important thing about a person is what they think of You. It's good to know I'm on the right track by most standards.

1 comment:

  1. Loved this one Denise so raw, honest emotions...God is so awesome to answer prayer. And we sometimes we don't like consequenses of answered prayer or at least the way God Answers prayers. Keep the faith, keep choosing God. I believe he still has a plan for both of you. I am still praying as I know others are, heck who knows maybe that is another part of God's plan.