Steve came back today. Not all the way but I see him in there now. He's talking but not much, and even joked a bit. He told me I wasn't to leave him alone yet seemed okay when it was time for me to go home for the night.
His strength or lack of remain a mystery. Or maybe if you take a weak man with a bad disease and take away his oxygen, medicate and put him on a ventilator for 7 days it would be normal to recover slowly.
We are talking about Hospice care. This is scary, but after last week I feel we are one step closer to accepting the end of life. And maybe that was what his contemplation was about. Perhaps he will tell me sometime.
I seem to hold it together pretty good and then I see him struggle to take a pill from the nurse's hand and put it in his mouth and I cry for hours. I want to say, "Do you know how strong this man used to be?" But his strength is not who he was, nor is his weakness now. He is the man that would be there for you when you needed him, and the one who loves me most in the world.