I'm becoming easily aggitated. I hate it, but what am I to do? Sometimes anger can motivate us to change things. My hands are tied on watching this cancer eat away at my husband. To put it in a nut shell, his tumors must grow to the point of killing him and all that can be done is to medicate him until that happens. My goodness, that statement makes me want to break things. His back and stomach hurt terribly. This is probably the tumor in his liver growing and pushing against something. So give him morphine and dull the pain but then he is constipated. Give him something for that and it has the opposite effect.
I'm angry at my stupid body giving out when he needs me the most. His feet fall asleep and so they have to be 'woke up' before he can stand. It kills me to squat in front of him and do this. It kills me thinking of doing this. I wish it would kill me. I could be waiting for him in heaven with some one liner about beating him there.
It makes me angry that I can't make this go away with a mouse click like so many others. I know I'm right where I'm suppose to be, I just don't know how long this can go on and yet I can't say I want it to end. Good thing I have a counseling session today!