Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Our Cocoon

We are in a cocoon. People come to bring groceries or bathe Steven, but we hardly leave. Somewhere, someone is driving with the window down, hair blowing in the wind. Someone else walks, holding a little ones hand, trying not to step on a crack. Girls giggle at the mall, and parents wish the home side was in the shade for the game. Another is thankful the gym is open late as he heads there after work.

The room is dark; the only noise is the oxygen machine as I spoon behind him in bed. I can't rest any part of me on him or touch his spine. But I can put my forehead by his neck and it is there we whisper as I silently cry. He doesn't stop me, but joins me.

Somewhere, she says the water is too cold to swim, but she really doesn't want to get her hair and makeup wet. A man slides up to the bar where his draft has already been poured. Elsewhere, as a woman stands in line, she wonders why everyone wants ice cream the same time as her. He marks the calendar, one day closer to that vacation.

Lips swollen, mouth with sores, eating is very hard for Steve. We've tried oatmeal, mashed potatoes, bland and blander. It all burns. Ice cream burns. We both know he has to eat. His lungs do not have enough capacity to cough now so it sounds fake then after several attempts is productive. There is no laughter or jokes, just pain and discomfort. I may just die of a broken heart before he does. Only God knows when this beautiful man will break free of his cocoon and fly.


  1. When I was 14 or 15 a friend of mines dad had passed away. I attended the funeral and on the ride to the cemetary I was so angry at all the people living their lives as though nothing had happened. Of course they did not know that my friend had just lost his father. After the burial I was still angry my friend asked me why. i explained what I was thinking and he explained his dad while a great man did not know everyone nor did everyone know who he was and even if they did, they still needed to live. He proceeded to laugh and tell great story about the man he called dad. Your post reminded me that no matter how much pain my dear friend is in she understands life for others is still happening. You are truly insightful, brave, strong and absolutely lovely. Thank you for keeping me / us in the loop and for allowing us even for a brief, brief, brief moment in time a chance to share your life.

  2. Keep watch, dear Lord, with those who work, or watch, or weep this night, and give your angels charge over those who sleep. Tend the sick, give rest to the weary, bless the dying, soothe the suffering, pity the afflicted, shield the joyous; and all for your love’s sake. Amen

    Jim and I are praying for you, Denice.

  3. Keeping you in my prayers. If I was there I would just hold you, but I can't so I hold you close to my heart. I am at a loss for words but I know the Lord is holding you both close to him.