Wednesday, August 14, 2013

My Dearest Steven

My Dearest Steven, you've been gone 24 days now, but it seems like just a week since that day. I've had a barrage of emotions to deal with. Some are scary to me because they are not my norm.

I am so sad I can hardly stand it. I don't know what to say when I'm asked how I am. How are you Steven? Does it feel good to be healthy? Have you seen Loretta, my Dad, Gram or Granny? Are they young or old?

Why didn't you ever give me the necklace? I think you bought it for me to wear on our wedding day. You tucked it away really good, and when it's time to get it out you can't find it. You look and look and of course can't tell me because I'd be tearing the house apart.

You'd be so proud of the boys. They are showing this protective side. We all feel so much closer. Almost like 3 adults instead of a mom and sons.

I love you so much. I't a deeper love out of saddness and remorse. It's raw emotion that makes me want to beg God for you. But my days of begging prayers for you are over. I can feel peace when I think about God. But then the grief comes back. Maybe the peaceful moments get longer and the grief shorter in time.

1 comment:

  1. Denice,I hurt for you. I wish I could kiss it and make it better for you. But I can't. These are the steps we must take for the healing.