I remember last fall I got this lounger chair from Walmart. I couldn't get it in the car and some nice young man helped me push and pull to squeeze it in. I HAD to have this chair. I felt it would be my survival after...Steve was gone. I would lay in it and feel the sun. I'd look up through the trees and imagine him in heaven somewhere beyond the clouds. In the fall, I'd brush the leaves off the chair and have a blanket around my shoulders. The leaves would be oranges and browns and rustle as they moved. I saw myself just looking off and remembering times we spent on this deck with our frosty mugs of beer and something yummy smelling on the grill. When it got cooler, we'd turn on the propane heater and I'd prop my feet up on his chair and we'd talk about the kids or our day.
We had this unspoken game we'd play to see who would suggest moving in when a storm would move in. The wind would blow cooler, the sky darken, and we would both carry on waiting for the other to mention picking things up. It would always be me. Many a times we'd be scrambling to get our food and radio out of the rain. We would giggle and tease and banter and I miss him so much.
And here I sit, just like I imagined. Remembering.