Just because life is hard right now doesn't mean God isn't doing what's in my best interest. I don't know when the time will come when I can just be as happy I was all those years with Steven.
I'm in a dark place where nothing seems to make me happy. I try being with people and being alone, spending money, eating treats until I feel sick, staying in bed, trying a new hobby, crying out to God, drinking beer, exercise, (not at the same time, I haven't tried that) singing, medication and on and on. None of it pulls me out for longer than a minute.
Time is a funny thing. I know that is all it will take. Day after day after day. I heard a quote about how waiting is not so much about when I get what I waiting for, but what I will become as I wait. Reading this post, it sounds like I've become a bit negative. Time.
Jesus said, "I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life." John 8:12