Grief is a real ache. I know God knows what he's doing, but something that hurts this much can't be good. It's not like having a baby where the pain becomes a blur as you hold your newborn.
What if I go crazy? Maybe I am crazy and I don't know it. Would anyone tell me?
As I tended to Steven during that year I knew I had purpose. It was really hard and there were times...well, I won't go into how low life got. But, I knew without a doubt I was were I was supposed to be. I loved him more than anyone, except maybe God. I didn't think twice to give up all my comforts if it meant his day could be better. I knew I was running out of time with him and each little thing counted so much.
But now, I don't know anything, except I hurt. My time with him is gone and I just want more. I want a hug, a touch.
No purpose, no Steven, real pain = life sucks.