Sunday, November 10, 2013

My New Purpose

I have a purpose. It is to heal. It is to become whole and healthy. What my purpose is beyond that, I won't worry about today. I'll not push my grief aside, it's real and still raw, but I won't wallow in it either. I'm going to try and visualize Steven healthy, happy and crabby, as only he could be.

I want to spend more time in devotion to God and receive His strength, because mine is short lived and crashes like a sugar high.

I need to be more aware of my weaknesses and be less stringent about irrelevant things. So, more bubble baths, and naps. I'll keep working out because it makes me less guilty when I eat my beloved sweets. I'll cry when I feel like it, but not continue all day. I'll stay home if I'm falling apart and nurse my breaking heart, but not often.

I think I need to look forward to some things. Maybe an art project or a good book. I, who never was without a book since I learned to read, have not read a complete book in over a year.

I can be getting ready for the upcoming holidays. Thanksgiving will be here as normal, minus one very important head of household. I'll make a Christmas gift list and maybe put some lights on the house. Okay, this is starting to make me anxious. Back to the beginning of the post...


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