As the 20th of each month approaches, I am reminded of how long it has been since Steven passed away. November will be the 4th month.
It seems like everything has changed since July 20th. The house looks different, the season has changed and of course I am a different person.
What if on the 20th, I didn't think of his last day of life? Or, how overwhelming my feelings sometimes get? What if I didn't spend each monthly anniversary quiet and retrospective? What if...I celebrate that day each month, as a marker for how long Steven has been in heaven? Total, all consuming joy is something we will not experience this side of heaven, but Steven has this. He has had this for 4 months. Hallelujah.