I overheard someone say that 2013 went by so quickly. I started crying as I thought of how long and drawn out the year was for Steve and I as he succumbed to cancer.
We started with brain radiation in January which turned out to be a regret. His side effects from this were worse than with the chemo. Then he contracted pneumonia and had such low oxygen levels they admitted him to ICU. There he was on a ventilator for a week and lost any strength he had. We came home with no more hope of the miracle we prayed for. Hospice helped the last two months of Steve's life but he refused the medication and spent a lot of time in pain as the cancer grew enough to shut down his organs.
I'm without him now and will begin a new year trying to be optimistic while still missing my husband. I struggle to see him in my mind as strong and happy, but still see him weak and angry. At this point I even miss the weak and angry.