When you are grieving, you act on autopilot. But that can be difficult when everything is different. For me, I'm missing the backbone of my family. The kind of decision maker who didn't feel the need to consult me when changing something. The intensity of Steven's 'power to decide' just makes it harder for me to now do this on my own.
He is not here to fix, replace, renew or keep me safe. He's not here with all that strength. I have this power now, but not the natural ability to make decisions. So I'll feel good when I chose correctly and learn when I make a mistake. Sometimes, the best thing to know, is who to ask to assist you in a decision.
One thing I can't do, is sit here all vulnerable and do nothing. I need to be smart as I move into this new life alone.