Friday, August 22, 2014

Control Of What?

Sometimes I spend too much time trying to control things and then being disappointed when they don't end up the way I want them to. I wonder if everyone spends as much time second guessing themselves as I do.

Maybe I'll just let life happen.  It's going to happen anyway, I might as well relax. I'll do some stretches and deep breathing and be on my way. Oh, and I'll smile.

One of my favorite posts on this blog was one where I needed to trust God in Steven's terminal illness. Here is an excerpt;

There are times we all find ourselves in deep water. Maybe you were having a Titanic moment goofing around with your arms out straight feeling the wind. Or maybe you stood on the edge of the ship and foolishly jumped at your own choosing. In my case I was blindsided and pushed. One minute I was smelling the sea air thinking how good life was and the next I'm sinking. In my head I'm thinking bodies rise and float right? But maybe that's when they're dead. I struggle to the top and burst free taking a giant gulp of air. There is drift wood and I grab onto it for support.

So here are my choices. I can flounder around kicking and splashing and perhaps attract the attention of a shark. I can cry and scream out, "Why? Why?" to the empty darkness. Or I can float.

I don't know where this ride is going and that is scary if I think too hard, so I don't. But I know I have something to hold onto and I'm not letting that go because it's my saving grace.

 Oh Lord, can I truly just lay my head on my arm, close my eyes and You will take me on this journey? Can I trust You to never leave me and make sure I have what I need to survive until my feet touch land? Your promise has to be different than Steve's though because he promised he would never leave me, and I think he's going to.

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