When you are going through something hard, you say, "It will be over soon." But when Steven was dying of terminal cancer I couldn't look with any peace at my future because it meant he would be gone and I would be left alone.
I finally took a notebook and started writing a list of things I would do 'later'. that would make me happy. Oh the guilt associated with this was unbelievable. But self preservation is automatic. We must have hope. Some of the things I wrote were;
Take a road trip
Buy a new pair of shoes
Go to a fancy restaurant to eat
Go away for the weekend
Now I am here, left alone and he is gone. And do you think I can find that notebook?