Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Thoughts To Comtemplate

I say I trust Jesus, but my worry and anxiety indicate otherwise. Worry is the thought of our circumstance 'without' Jesus. If I truly want to rest in Jesus, I'll realise it has nothing to do with my circumstances and everything to do with my relationship with God.

A baby Christian says, "I forgive." A mature Christian does not even complain about the injustice.

Saturday, October 25, 2014

Day One Basement Fix

The basement waterproofing/fixing bowing wall began with a phone call that they needed to finish a job from Friday but would send two guys with jackhammers to begin breaking up the concrete.

What should have been done in 2 hours took 5 because my cement was 6-8 inches thick in places. A lot of good all the extra cement did, the walls still bowed. What a noise and a mess that all was. It was so loud that later I tried to watch TV and had to turn it off and have it silent.

Tuesday began with a full crew. Doors propped open, they carried up the big chunks of cement, and then began to haul gravel in 5 gallon buckets down and cement pieces up. Dust is everywhere and I'm freezing, but happy to be moving along.

I had the realization that guys are all the same. It was like having my two sons in the house, as I listened to the bantering, complaining and story telling. I'm not sure where they are using a restroom, no one has asked me to use mine and the one downstairs is now in an open space. .I was so exhausted from watching I had to take a whirlpool bath when they left.

Day Three Basement Fix

The third day was even more crew and carrying in a different array of things from posts to plastex sheets.

My kitchen is totally blocked off with plastic over the cupboards, floor and doorways,. So I moved some things in the dining room like my microwave, coffee pot and some dishes.

In the front room I have a card table and my stove. I'm holding off using the bathroom because there are 6 guys in my basement and I don't want them to hear me. How crazy is that?

Wednesday, October 22, 2014

Forcing A Smile

Another day starting bad. How appropriate my devotion was though. It talked about my inheritance of problem free living in eternity. And how I should not be looking for heaven on earth.

So, I'll take a lighthearted view of my....whatever funk this is and remember The One who is on my side has overcome the world.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

What I Hate

I hate depression. I hate anxiety. Sometimes when they hit me I could double over from nausea.

You would think there would be a reason. I can think of a few triggers the past few days but I can usually shake it off. I'm having trouble doing that. It's physical too. I don't feel good. Maybe I'm depressed because I don't feel good. Or maybe I don't feel good because I'm depressed. Maybe I'll just go to bed.

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Trust In The Blindspot

Faith is kind of like backing out of a parking spot. There is this blind area as you slowly back up. You can't see right or left until a certain point so you have to trust any oncoming vehicles to notice and stop.

Often, our faith walk is prompted by God. We are convicted to step out blindly. It takes a trusting love of God to do this, but the reward in it's obedience is so worth it.

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

Travel Panic

I went to visit my brother in Indiana. That sentence doesn't sound significant unless you are afraid of traveling by yourself. That I did this & made it there and back is big to me. It was not without turmoil.

I had too many directions. Mike, my brother, gave me directions, my GPS had it own idea and could not be changed to his route, and Map Quest had another way. I needed to pick one and stick with it. At one point, I was convinced I was on the wrong highway because it went further than MapQuest said it should. I turned around and went back to the interstate I had exited from only to realize I was on the right highway, I just was looking at the minimized steps and not the maximized in-between steps. But then I was stuck for miles behind a semi and couldn't pass. I think even the semi driver felt sorry for me.

Switching to the GPS instructions as I entered his town, it took me to a T in the road and then would not instruct me which way to turn. Does it not realize my life is dependent on it's continued instructions. I called my brother and he had no idea how I had gotten to that point.

On the way home, I decided to go interstate. I made the mistake of putting in that I wanted to avoid tolls and ended up in Chicago. You learn. I learned. I'll choose a different route next time. IF there is a next time. Other than that, the visit was wonderful.

The Big Leap

I had not seen my brother since Steven's funeral over a year ago. The time before that was a year prior when his wife Robin passed away. That we are widow and widower at our age seems unusual, but it is a basis for who we have become.

Both of us were care givers to our spouses. There is a degree of recovery required before life can become a new normal. To go from being totally depended on to being totally alone is a big leap. We are healing and are different people now. I'm not Steve & Denice or the bosses wife or a wife at all. Neither of us want even a goldfish to be responsible for. Not that we think it will die, but to distance ourselves an obligation.

It is only to another who has walked in our shoes that we can say, "That was really hard."

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Not Always Easy Street

Care giving for Steven was so hard at times. I wish I could say he was a good, patient patient. I wish I could say my love trumped all negativity as I ministered to him.

For those whose life seems easy, it takes little effort to have faith. But, how we act when insulted, ignored or in turmoil is when we show God we want him for more than just the good times.

Telling God everything, right down to the injustice dealt us, doesn't seem like enough sometimes. We need that one true friend we can spew our selfish thoughts to. We know they will listen with the thought that, this is life for them at this moment and I'm going to love them through it.

Wednesday, October 8, 2014

Awake To A New Beginning

Each day is an opportunity for a new beginning. Why not choose to start with a good attitude and resolve to stay that way no matter what the circumstance?

I'm so thankful I don't have to carry the weight of yesterday's failures and mistakes. I have made some huge wrong choices. God's mercies are new each day, so I can embrace the dawn of today. If He has put those 'wrong turns' behind Him, I can too.

Great is his faithfulness, his mercies begin afresh each morning. Lamentations 3:23

Monday, October 6, 2014

My Rules For a Disciplined Life

I take self discipline seriously. I make rules for myself and don't follow them 100% of the time, but when I do, I'm much more content.

Don't read a book until you've read your Bible

Work a little, play a little. In that order

No sitting at the end of the day, until all the rooms are picked up

Stretch before getting out of bed

If you eat healthy for your 3 meals a day, eat anything else you want, just in the appropriate quantity

Do not go over a certain weight

Call your parents, then your friends

Make a list, then use your brain for other things

Listen to your instincts, if something seems weird, extract yourself.

Take note of what you listen to, watch, read and talk about. These things say a lot about you.