Sunday, November 30, 2014

Please Don't Fade Away

He is fading from me. Steven is becoming a shadow and I know this is what time does, but it feels...betraying.

It used to be when I had a thought, I would hear his voice in my head with his response. I don't have that as much anymore. I go longer periods without crying but then hear a song or someones 'cancer story' and for the rest of the day can't stop crying.

Last year, when he had been gone 5 months, I decorated my tree with copies of notes he left me. Each one precious with it's own memory. This year he has been gone 1 year and 5 months and somehow decorating the tree with these same notes doesn't seem right.

I would apologise to him but I'm sure I'm not on his mind anymore, so why the guilt that he is not always on mine?

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