Tuesday, December 30, 2014

As 2014 Ends

As the end of 2014 comes to a close, I'm amazed at how time passes. I can say the year was one of growth for me. I've become more independent, as I grow further from Steve. We are separated  by heaven and earth and although I still hear him respond in my head, it is becoming less and less.

Can we be too reliant on our spouse? I think I was. I expected him to rescue me as he always had. But that time is over and I want now to grow closer to The One who can truly rescue me in more ways than I can even imagine.

I look forward to the new year of 2015 with the anticipation of emerging more from my grief cocoon. Moth, or butterfly, it matters not...I am in God's hands.

Sunday, December 28, 2014

Christmas 2014

 I had a wonderful Christmas spent with family and friends. There was laughter, tears, delicious food and thoughtful gifts. It amazes me how something small and homemade can make someone feel special. The gifts I made this year were my usual vintage look. I took old handkerchiefs and made lavender sachets. Also, made 'Make a brownie in a coffee cup' mugs, lacy bags with lavender filling, and tree decorations.

I enjoyed watching the kids get excited and was reminded how Steve loved Christmas. He would have taken such delight in the little ones. Maybe he was watching over us on what was his favorite holiday.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

No Winter Blues Here

It's hard for me to put all my craft stuff away so I can entertain at Christmas. On the other hand, I get done and can see the floor and counter tops and kind of like the sparseness.

When I sit down in the evening, I have to ask myself, what did I used to do before making all those gifts? Maybe I read or did my nails, or I know...I'll bet I posted on my blog!

Maybe everyone else hates winter, but speaking from someone who does all the chores now, there is a lot less work in the winter. Especially after Christmas. Everything slows down. I'm ready for darkness  when I get off work, no yard work. And cold, windy evenings, so no errands. The prediction of a foot of snow could mean no work the next day. I think everyone should have to think of three good things to say about winter.

Saturday, December 13, 2014

Stop Looking Back

When I look back at various times I've been hurt by others, I think if I could do it over again I would have responded differently.

To the father who could cut me to the quick with words, I could feign indifference. Imagine the lack of effectiveness if I could show I didn't care.

To the step-grandmother who claimed she was not a great-grandmother, as she held my newborn son, I could have taken him back and said he had another great-grandmother who did claim him.

Why in hind-site, after we have time to grow, mature and think, do we have the perfect comeback. And a better question is why do I let these things haunt me?

Tuesday, December 9, 2014

A Time To Mourn

I was given the name of a friend of a friend to call. She too had lost her husband a year after Steven. So for her it had been almost 5 months. She had been having a hard time and I thought it might do us both good to share.

I put off calling because I know what my schedule is like right now. I figured I would call after Christmas and suggest coffee.

I found out yesterday she committed suicide. While I don't know I could have saved her life, I might have been some help. I shouldn't have waited. I pray for this woman's family, that this Christmas  season still holds peace and joy.

Monday, December 8, 2014

Good Morning God

As I enter the chaos of the Christmas season, I oftentimes diminish the worship of the new born king to getting traditions and checklists marked off. I am a prime example of a person who likes a list just to cross out a line as accomplished.

I sit each morning and open a devotional that reminds me who Jesus is and who I am in him. Yet, I close the book and my mind frame of worship is sometimes left between the pages. I prove this each time I allow myself to feel overwhelmed.

How good it is to know I'm not venturing out into my day without the way being paved by God. He announces His presence with a beautiful sunrise. Nothing will take Him by surprise. Nor will He allow anything to overwhelm me as long as I lean on him. My joy this day comes as soon as I say, "Good morning God!" Now I just have to hold on to that the other 23 hours.