Sunday, March 8, 2015

Past Fear

One of my greatest fears in the past was that Steve would die before me. I was afraid because it wasn't something we talked about or planned. We didn't have life insurance or a will. And when I brought these topics up, I was shot down in a way only a husband can do. He did it by avoidance, refusing to even be drawn into the conversation and thus spared explanation.

I think back and honestly believe he thought he was indivisible and above death. He refused to have checkups and wouldn't wear his seat belt. He drove too fast and smoked too much.

I was eventually successful in his acquiring life insurance, but it was not without a fight. Why something could mean so much to me and so little to him is a mystery. Maybe because it hadn't been his idea.

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