Tuesday, September 29, 2015

I Like Me

I love the uniqueness of each of us. From breath one we accumulate memories and influences that make us who we are. Am I odd in being so happy with who I am? Is my confidence in the way I look (or not look), and what I know (or don't know) a blessing?

As I typed out my profile on a dating website, I had to describe myself. But to say I really don't need anyone, would just like company once in awhile, would not come off appealing. To say, I don't want the obligation to communicate every day or see each other a certain number of times a week doesn't sound very good either. I think I just want a friendship like a girlfriend is. I call her, don't call her, do something together or not, but no hurt feelings. We will see...or not see.

Sunday, September 20, 2015

A Restful Contemplation

I was on the hillside when the weed whip finally ran out of battery. It was a good thing because my arms were tired. I was tired. So I sat under one of the several old oak trees and caught my breath. Then I did something I very rarely do. I cleared my mind of all things but the huge trees around me, so thick I can barely see the sky. I lay back on the ground and for a moment hoped those in the houses across the raven did not think I had had a heart attack, then even that thought was gone.

What beauty in a tree that is a home to many creatures. It must withstand the drought of summer and bitter winds in winter. I wonder what this tree has witnessed in it's 100 or more years. Was it planted intentionally or from a fallen acorn? Who will live here when it finally falls. And the biggest question of all, will it fall on the house with me in it?

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Same Parking Lot, Different Life

There was a day when Steven was very sick and and in pain. My life was getting to me and I hadn't the strength to even pray properly. As I crossed the parking lot from one building to another I looked to the sky and asked God to please, please strike me with lightning so it would all end. It was too much.  Now, it was a super sunny sky but I was talking to a big God who could...heal my husband , or make lightning on a sunny day.Of course, no quick death nor miraculous healing.

I cross that parking lot several times a day as I work and every once in a while I remember that prayer. I am in awe that I not only made it but still love my God. He who sees the end of the story and not just that chapter. I'm grateful for the joy I have.

I had a pastor tell me I have the joy of the Lord. Of course, I still have a heartache with Steven's name on it, but joy is there surrounding it and making the sting a little less.