There was a day when Steven was very sick and and in pain. My life was getting to me and I hadn't the strength to even pray properly. As I crossed the parking lot from one building to another I looked to the sky and asked God to please, please strike me with lightning so it would all end. It was too much. Now, it was a super sunny sky but I was talking to a big God who could...heal my husband , or make lightning on a sunny day.Of course, no quick death nor miraculous healing.
I cross that parking lot several times a day as I work and every once in a while I remember that prayer. I am in awe that I not only made it but still love my God. He who sees the end of the story and not just that chapter. I'm grateful for the joy I have.
I had a pastor tell me I have the joy of the Lord. Of course, I still have a heartache with Steven's name on it, but joy is there surrounding it and making the sting a little less.